Thanksgiving is a time for family, food, and gratitude. But what happens when these three components clash? What happens when you, as a vegan, are expected to attend a holiday meal where meat will be served? How can you feel grateful for a meal placed before you when the makings of the meal go against your values?
First, decide where your priorities lie. In your opinion, does seeing your family at holiday time come before boycotting a meal that is lacking compassion? For me, my family time comes first. However, that doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my beliefs. Here are a few of the Dos and Don’ts I have come up with over the years of attending holiday meals with my omnivorous relations.
Do be honest. Whether you accept or decline the invite to your family’s Thanksgiving meal, let them know exactly how you feel to avoid any resentment, confusion or hurt feelings. Declining the invite? Let them know you would love to see them but don’t feel comfortable partaking in the meal. Perhaps you could come by after the meal has finished. Accepting? Let them know from the get-go that you would love to come but will not be joining in on many of the dishes. If they expect this from the beginning, it will help negate any Oh-It’s-Just-A-Bit-Of-Butter rants come table-time.
Don’t be judgmental. You are attending the meal to appreciate your family and give thanks. Do not get into food politics at the table; it will most likely cause tension and make you or your family feel judged. If anyone asks about your dietary choices as you say “no thanks” to the gravy bowl, tell them you would love to talk about it later—after the meal, perhaps?
Do offer to help with the cooking. Your family may be as nervous about having you at their table as you are about being there. The basics of vegan cooking can elude even the most confident of chefs—especially because Thanksgiving menus are often traditional, featuring dishes created the same way year after year. By offering to bring a few items, you are making your host feel more comfortable, contributing to the meal, assuring that you will have something delicious to eat and sharing veganism with the rest of your family. Win win win!
Don’t underestimate your family. They love you, and may be willing to sacrifice more than you think to make you feel comfortable. A few of my family members are from down south; they have been known to drink too much at holiday functions and pound the table with their fists while passionately siding with Rush Limbaugh. However, when I asked them if they could please carve the turkey in the kitchen—as opposed to in front of everyone at the table—they were more than happy to accommodate me.
Do hold your own vegan holiday. This may be intimidating, but inviting your family to your own cruelty-free sit-down dinner is always an option. Let them know that there will be no meat or animal products at the meal, and then wow them with how delicious vegan eating can be. Now that is a holiday to be thankful for.
What about you? How do you celebrate a cruelty-free Thanksgiving? Do you hold your own? Are you for or against attending a non-vegan meal?
